Not Me!

Remember the time when you were so in love,

And not me..?

Those late night stupid drunk calls, or care-yelling at me cuz you found a new bruise on me,

Or when you could not even type properly

Cuz I had again pissed you out of my repulsion of too much stability?

And nomatter what you did or I did, it wasn’t enough,

Cuz one of us played our relationship like a dirty football on a rainy muddy field,

And it was Not me!

And you wanted to say the precious “I love you”

But not me,

And you began saying it like you meant it, then scrubbed it till it had no meaning.

You were you or someone else, but I still liked him better,

And I was so busy being Queen bee, cuz you would let me to!

Not cuz I wanted to.

I was sure of the presence of your arms even if I would hurt you..

Now look who is winning the Mean Girls tag!

Not me.

I had you right where I liked it.. in my Inbox, In my mailbox, in my head, in my heart,

And when I would get my head together, I would drive to you;

And we would kiss like it’s 2am, like we have been drinking, all night, hard supply of booze,

When really it would be 12 in the afternoon.

Could you find those violent delights somewhere else, babe?

 Could you really want to rely on someone like I did to you?

Well, not me.

You know when you get tired of running into wrong women, and learning different names,

You know when your heart gives up new rules, new games, and new ways of fucking women’s brain,

Be sure of one thing, you could always come back to one person…

Not me! :)

I run away

I tell him he feels like home I never had, he is that soul I knew even before we ever met,

the familiar smile, that connection they say you’ld just know when you find.

He is the reason I have been bunking work, dodging friends, avoiding going out till 4am.

Reality is more interesting than my dreams if I wake up to his arms.

Its good, it’s just how they told it is to be.

He got me tell him “I like you” in my drunk rapturous fit,

and then I run away in the morning so I don’t get attached to his warmth and his scent.

I got him wonder what I really want, and I tell him – Its just good, too good.  Like they showed in the movies.

It gets me scared like what if I end up catching unnecessary feelings like the dogs catch fleas..

and what if it's my heart's grave and not the flower bed I'm digging?
Why shall I waste time nurturing all these plants 
when there's 50% chances of somebody else walking away with my flowers.

I like the anticipation he begets in me, the hint of something dangerous, the stormy passion,
I like how unsafe my heart is around him and then I go reducing risk in my Run-Aways,
I know he hates my indecisive attitude, probably cuz he doesn't get what he is capable of doing to me..
Maybe he sees a human in his Office mirrors, maybe he really is not a super human..
I envy his mom when he says she is the only woman he has ever loved.

It could be love, and then I run away..

Its too good, like magic and I know it will vanish, like the ghost under my bed when I try to find it;

Or like Gods when somebody murders or when somebody you love is dying.

It’s good, we are each other’s human drug; I can’t run too far before I come back for my dose of him.

And just like a month back, despite the resistance we are about to give in again...

When I run away.