Playing Hearts With Me.

And tonight I’m sitting in my room

While my friends are wondering what to do

With me.

You were a heart collector, placin’ them like trophies

On top of your bar,

I wish I knew,  I’ld have never let you play hearts

With me.

You were a ball of regrets,

But I was waiting on the rare moments

When you  gave me happiness,

I forgot who I was, never knew who you are or

That you were not meant to be

With me.

You made me live a double life,

One was wondering what’s happening,

One was half alive,

I waited too long on a phone call,

That would have lit fireworks in my eyes

But you chose the cold side of otherwise.

Sometimes I cant help wondering,

If you still are as important, to someone, as you were to me,

I hope you are.

You still are a pretty person that one can’t trust too far,

Chasing my heart, Dancing with my heart,

Running away to place it as another trophy on your bar,

While I was wishing you’d run away,

With me.

You weren’t close to what I wished you’d be

But I never complained cuz then I never wanted anyone else,

You did well with the few scars wherever you got a chance to leave,

I can tell what it felt, leaning in to kiss u, with a smile,

But I can also sketch down the hurt and disappointment,

You gifted me everyday wishing id have never succumbed to your lies.

What’d I do, I still don’t know honestly,

If you again decide to play hearts

With me.

Love Me

Hey! So, for a very very long time I had been longing to create a poem, Well, I had no Muse, but my passion to write was stronger than my luck of having one… so I have mind-created this whole poem. And I hope you like it. =)

So what if I wrote you a poem and never tell you about it?

Cuz pretty-heart, that’s what I plan to do,

I want you to be my Muse and paint you down in writing,

And I wonder how hard shall it be to do.

They told us on the News, Tonight there’s no Moon out in the sea,

The clouds are spread out like the blanket you must be using to sleep,

How shall they navigate, when the merchants can’t see the stars,

The tide is high and the winds are stronger,

Do you think the shore will witness them kiss their partners?

Doesn’t this make Love interesting? The danger is romantic.

The wait makes it worth it, and the fear of losing – makes you appreciate it.

You give me the same type of rapturous delights,

That I sought for too long but could never find,

You give me the inner-peace and silently steal away my afflictions,

It’s like I believe u and I can trust u, and with you -

I don’t have to worry about waking up to a man’s dreadful indifference.

I wonder what air you breathed when you grew up,

That has made you a man of words,

Cause I have met too many before

And they only taught me to expect worse.

I can hardly keep my calm around you

And you take no time to drive me wild

And you see me for who I am and not the masks and covers I try.,

You told me the other night, when we lay in the garden watching stars

And the extra  tides-water drizzled on us, like magic from above,

“Babe, I can tell this Courage mask is fake, I can tell you are scared”

I said – “I know what Affection is meant for,   to liberate,

But rather it comes along with memories of pleasure,

past regrets, passion & old pain.

I would never hurt you but I don’t wanna hold new pair of hands again.”

And you said

“Free fall.

Love me with the love you couldn’t  put to use,

Love me with the remainder of the love you had to lose,

Love me like you are mad at me, Love me like you love me,

Love me till you realize that there’s nothing happier than to love me.

Love me with the passion of a lover meeting his love after 365 days,

Love me with the trust and faith of a thousand saints,

Love me with the enthusiasm of a World Record winner,

Love me with the undiscovered pleasures of a sinner,

Love me like you’ve never loved before in your life,

Love me like I’m forever yours and let me love you like u r mine.”

Just a Guy!

Well, I am writing this on behalf of men,  cuz oh well, they never will, right? :)

I know I killed it, I messed up.

I was too stupid, too dishonest, but that’s cuz

I’m just  a guy.

I should have never played with your heart,

And I loved getting you jealous, I should have stopped,

I begot the jealousy in your head and whenever you were, I could tell,

Cuz baby, you try hard but , Jealousy, you can’t wear it well.

I rejoiced seeing you want me and then went ahead, wanting them.

You were right, that one time, when you said I am stuck up,

But baby, I was too proud to realize I’ld get caught with all my lies.

But baby, Im just a guy.

And now I see, what you see when you open your big brown eyes,

You see a dog, and you see a best friend, unconditional love ,

and I see a stray animal I can’t trust.

When you see a girl wearing a gown, you think of fairytales,

I see an over-covering dress on a big ass babe,

When you drive through snow, your mood lits up & you think of honeymoon,

I think of turning on my heater as soon I reach my room.

When you see a Deer in the snow, You think of Bambi,

When you see a Pig, you think of Pooh’s best friend,

When you see me, you wish I’ld change

And I think, To Hell with it!

 I’m just a guy.

When we see movies, you think of us,

And I see my ex in the actress,

When you listen to a song,

You think you’ld  write me one or hope I’ld sing it to you,

But I listen to the beats, the bass and the tunes.

When you see a guy, u see a friend,

When I see a girl, I think of doing her,

And I just hope u know I meant no harm,

I saw you the other day in someone else’s arms,

Girl, I’m just a guy.

Burning Bridges

Sometimes its not the act that makes it so difficult to let people back in, its the person they fucked with. Its not them, its not the time.

Letting people back in.

How hard is it?

Not a bit, give It a week’s time & I am good to take people back. I have no ego, cuz I know I am better. I have learnt from personal experiences people who aren’t sure of your reaction or aren’t confident of their self-respect , are the ones who least express overtures.

I, on the other hand, don’t care…. I could text my ex-friends right now, saying

“Hey! I miss u. I know you fucked up… and I know I was hurt then, I never thought you’d mess up like that. U were like my sister, it was terribly wrong. But I don’t wanna think about it. Cuz you aren’t God and I miss what we had. So, whatsup with u?”

And I know the reaction is always

“Hey! I am sorry I didn’t mean to. I was immature and I didn’t think it meant so much to you. I swear I wish I could un-do it. But yes let bygones be bygones. & I missed u too, everytime I heard this song, or when someone talked with so much passion or when my parents asked where ur besties at. And I wanted to come say hi that night I bumped into you, but u saw through me like I was invisible. Im glad u messaged, I wanted to so many times but wasn’t sure how you’d take it. ”

But if every relation had one person like me, then I think no relation would ever break right? Like, I’d make the move, they come back in.

Then why do I not have all the people I started with? I meet more people than I keep in my life, its not I hate the ones I see through, so what is it?  Why do we choose to build more walls than bridges? Why do we choose burning bridges than breaking walls?

Ive realized sometimes, it’s not the act of treachery, it’s not the timing, it’s not breach of your trust, it’s not the person who is doing it, it's not me……

But the person they fuck with, that KILLS it forever. And when this happens, like a sloppy-all-tongue-saliva-kiss, it suuckss and then no matter how good they were in other ways, u never go back!

One of my best girl friends for 7 years fucked up the same way, I could still take her back. I could just text her this second and hang with her tonight. But my sister will never approve of it, so I shan’t.

Well this girl, G, she sneakily tried to shit-talk about my other close friend, A, to B.

B- who apparently is who A loved*.

And the thing is my friend, A, is a more calm, forgiving person when it comes to friends than I am. I have my sister and I am good to go.

Anyway, so sometimes, its not the act (like, going and trying to flirt with ur love) – cuz the act didn’t succeed.

Its not the timing, cuz its been more than the period of time that lets one forget fuck ups by friends, almost a year now, I guess.

Its not the breach of trust, cuz she had broken trust on a daily basis before too, but was never thrown out and outcast-ed like this ever before.

It’s not the person who did it, cuz well, even if she did whatever she always used to, we still thought we were all sisters. We were supposed to be each others’ bridesmaids. But the person she fucked with, is the person that killed the relation. And well, my friend, A, didn’t even care to mourn for this relation's death or do its cremation. It was left dead cold and never spoken to or about or looked at, ever again.

And I am going through the same right now, with someone I don’t hate, but u know the feeling where u don’t hate someone, but u don’t like them either. It's almost Apathy, not completely yet, but getting there.

You would crack jokes about them but u don’t want others to do it, cuz u know they weren’t so bad and u don’t wish them ill but u know they killed it. They killed it so well, that u cant even find back and paste the pieces even if it were your relationship’s death wish. And another thing, people who fall in these circles of treachery and murder of ur relation with them, are more often – Cowards.

They could say a sorry, but either they don’t mean it or have too much ego to actually apologize well enough and make up to how well they went and fucked up.

You set the honesty bar too high, they aint got hands to reach it… or morals.

And sometimes burning bridges lights your way ahead!

*Not getting into complications here. Love is something I still cant write as easily as people say. Cuz I think it should be stronger and crazier, uh well, maybe it was… She still talks about B and still wont take her 8 years old friend G back. So maybe it was.

Back to Strangers

She had never met a guy with more annoying confidence in pursuing his dreams,
and more annoying confusion in knowing who to keep!
Than the one who stole her heart & failed to return it in one piece.

She had never met a man with more conceited, decided character,
who had another, a feeble one- causing ambiguity which were double,
his traits of indecisiveness, she failed to endure much longer.

... And now they are Friends,
Friends who'd sit online on whatsapp but won't initiate a convo, friends with altered behaviour and poisoned rapport,
Or Strangers,
Strangers that don't have a chance to be acquainted to a fresh start, Strangers to whom she can't say "Hey! Where r u from?"
He still possesses the power over her heart,
He could make her skip beats anytime he'd want,
& between torturous grief and delightful raptures, he'd make her run back and forth,
He could make her physically sick, could make her moods drop,
& Make her puppy sad, everytime he argues, and he argues a LOT!


Maybe we ran too fast, that we ran out of gas,
maybe violent desires do have violent ends,
Maybe we reached the mountain peak
And aint there anymore left to climb,
Maybe we killed the magic over the thousands of times we'd fight.
And I know I handed him the scissors to cut me off,
And I wanna take it back and dig its fucking grave in a hidden park.

His emotions were too overwhelming for my heart,
&  my heart was scared of feeling,
& what if he'd break my heart?
And see it happened now,
and now he'd take his stupid giggle to another stranger from another cafe or another bar.