Break Ups

So, Well… I am not someone who really accepts things to myself. I am the one who gets to know about being attached to someone, the last. Because I am always ignoring or in denial of my affections towards someone. But what I wanted to write was about Break Ups. We have so many of them, thrice every year. So, why not use this fresh hit in the head and write down the hurt.

Well, you know the feeling, you are hurt and you miss them, but given a chance, you wont take them back. They broke your trust, your heart, they blamed you to get rid of the guilt, they highlighted your mistakes with fireworks and did their sins in private of their space and planned them and hid them so well,  you could have spent another year wondering whatever’s happening with his cold-hot temperature… but thank God for the intuition of a woman.

So, its like They break your heart, You miss them. You hate them and then you love them. That whirlwind of emotions that runs through your mind day or night reliving the memories you shared. The end of a relationship is like a bereavement. The severing of a strong emotional bond to someone close to us.

STAGES OF A BREAKUP

Shock:

And when your relationship first ends, You didn’t see it. You could have broken a multiple times before but those are moods, you say “I’m done with you” because you are mad at him for not being attentive to you or blaming you for something you never did.

Whether you break up or your partner does, it may be too scary, too lonely, too confusing.

Mine is mostly confusing as hell. I never know if It were the Iceberg or a whole fucking Iceland that hit my ship. My mostly solution is a Rebound. It always works for me… but there’s nothing WORSE than when a Rebound fails as well. You might not wanna risk that. Either it can be a blessing or damn right back into the puddle of grief.

A state of disbelief could last hours, if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup. It depends if they are honest enough to tell you that they are over you and have moved on, if they don’t, it could last weeks or even months because you’ll keep on wondering, trying to put the pieces together of this puzzle. There could be a literal loss of breath, or trouble sleeping. The loss of breath LITERALLY happened to me once and I texted him “Thanks to you I know it is real what they say in songs – “I can’t breathe without you!”.”

We break down, we cry. We are like lost puppies in the woods, abandoned by our Master and we are running around, hoping he will come, get us… but he never does. We feel sad for ourselves, we can’t face the mirror, we are empathetic towards ourselves. Men tend to explode outward in their reaction to shock.  Women tend to implode, go internal and blame themselves, like “I should have never said this, maybe this is what drove him away.” “I shouldn’t have done that, it killed us.”

That is not true, he only faked it as a reason to get off the guilt. Anybody in anger shall react, it’s the law. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Do/Do not:

• Do watch TV or shows that show larger miseries in life than yours!
• Do pet animals, meet people with REAL problems.
• Do not freak out and react. You will make sense of all of this!

PLEADING
Oh this is the suckiest part, so sucky that it’ll make you laugh later!

This is where your Self-Respect is taken by you and just blown away in barter for your ex back in your life.

This happens with me, HATE TO ACCEPT IT. That’s why I know this is by-far the most unforgettable phase of all. It is a pay-back time for what you'll do in the ANGER stage. Sometimes involving prayers, this stage is often about getting your ex back, it is about restoring what you had because letting go is like entering a new territory, but other times, it is about absolving your own guilt if you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else (thinner, less jealous, etc.) to make amends -- when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away.

It's the SUCKIEST because it only makes us look weak and desperate in our partner's eyes and in our future eyes! It does the exact opposite of the desired effect and pushes them farther away, making us feel more like an abandoned puppy, now being kicked away by his master as we approach them to take us with them, back to our house.

Do/Do not:

• Do create a self-love list complete with what makes you happy and things you want for your future.
• Do not include wanting your ex back in the above list!
• Do not start stalking their Twitter or blog or Facebook.

(And another thing easier said than done, and I suck like a slut at this one. You gotta stop checking his or her online activity. It's gotta happen!!

It may be right there, and you're not breaking any rules or anything, but it's still not good for YOU. If they want you, they can text you or call you. They have your number or your mutual friends do.

People spend months, or years keeping tabs on exes. What if your ex gets a new significant other? Are you going to start looking at their stuff, too? Pretty soon, you're informing yourself on a life that isn't even yours anymore. Sadness! If you have to de-friend or un-follow, do it! It's not about being bitter, it's about being good to yourself.)

ANGER
This is the most crucial phase! This is where the fun starts!
This is where regrets are made! This is what IM GOOD AT! :P
The anger comes from a place of helplessness from our loss.  We feel that we are a victim of our ex and we use anger as a way of trying to recapture some of the power that we feel they’ve taken from us through ending the relationship.  It’s a way of desperately trying to balance out our sense of powerlessness.  It is often Defensive than Offensive!
The anger gives us something new to believe in when the belief in the relationship has been taken away.  It gives us new strength and new structure at a time when we feel weak and loss of structure.
You’re done crying, you’ve had enough of that low-life playing you while you thought it was ALL YOUR fault. Now you see him for who he was, what your bestfriends warned you against, and now you’re MAD. Really, really mad. 
Thinking about everything that went wrong with the relationship, and now you're wondering how you ever let that vile demon-spawn of an ex under your skin, anyway. He wasn’t even worth your type.. and you never would have found him attractive, to begin with. And THAT guy did THIS to you?! 
The passive-aggression may be kicked up a notch.. Your Twitter shouts how heart-broken you are. Your comments, in general show what a morbid-dead person he made you, on the inside. Your Facebook feed is making people uncomfortable.
In this stage, your heart goes from confused to raging mad. It becomes fueled with anger towards your ex for whatever his part in the breakup was. During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of him, or in our world -  Deleting pictures of him, getting untagged from those on Facebook, holding his stuff hostage, slandering him to his friends or worse. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk -- regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

Do/Do not:

• Do feel, write or talk about your anger.
• Do not drink. You may be tempted to send some unscrupulous late night texts.
• It’s OK to have fantasies of “acting out” against our ex as long as we don’t actually act it out in real life.  Over time, anger helps to break the love feelings we felt towards our ex. 
• Do not act on it. Do not say words that you wont be able to take back.

(I know its harder done than said, I can yet not master this art. The Art of Letting go, gracefully. I get hurt and in my defense, pull the other down so well that later I think I could have walked away without that too!)

 Underneath our Anger resides, Sadness. Which shall be on it's way! Then Acceptance :)

I am Marissa Cooper :)

Love Me

Hey! So, for a very very long time I had been longing to create a poem, Well, I had no Muse, but my passion to write was stronger than my luck of having one… so I have mind-created this whole poem. And I hope you like it. =)

So what if I wrote you a poem and never tell you about it?

Cuz pretty-heart, that’s what I plan to do,

I want you to be my Muse and paint you down in writing,

And I wonder how hard shall it be to do.

They told us on the News, Tonight there’s no Moon out in the sea,

The clouds are spread out like the blanket you must be using to sleep,

How shall they navigate, when the merchants can’t see the stars,

The tide is high and the winds are stronger,

Do you think the shore will witness them kiss their partners?

Doesn’t this make Love interesting? The danger is romantic.

The wait makes it worth it, and the fear of losing – makes you appreciate it.

You give me the same type of rapturous delights,

That I sought for too long but could never find,

You give me the inner-peace and silently steal away my afflictions,

It’s like I believe u and I can trust u, and with you -

I don’t have to worry about waking up to a man’s dreadful indifference.

I wonder what air you breathed when you grew up,

That has made you a man of words,

Cause I have met too many before

And they only taught me to expect worse.

I can hardly keep my calm around you

And you take no time to drive me wild

And you see me for who I am and not the masks and covers I try.,

You told me the other night, when we lay in the garden watching stars

And the extra  tides-water drizzled on us, like magic from above,

“Babe, I can tell this Courage mask is fake, I can tell you are scared”

I said – “I know what Affection is meant for,   to liberate,

But rather it comes along with memories of pleasure,

past regrets, passion & old pain.

I would never hurt you but I don’t wanna hold new pair of hands again.”

And you said

“Free fall.

Love me with the love you couldn’t  put to use,

Love me with the remainder of the love you had to lose,

Love me like you are mad at me, Love me like you love me,

Love me till you realize that there’s nothing happier than to love me.

Love me with the passion of a lover meeting his love after 365 days,

Love me with the trust and faith of a thousand saints,

Love me with the enthusiasm of a World Record winner,

Love me with the undiscovered pleasures of a sinner,

Love me like you’ve never loved before in your life,

Love me like I’m forever yours and let me love you like u r mine.”

Just a Guy!

Well, I am writing this on behalf of men,  cuz oh well, they never will, right? :)

I know I killed it, I messed up.

I was too stupid, too dishonest, but that’s cuz

I’m just  a guy.

I should have never played with your heart,

And I loved getting you jealous, I should have stopped,

I begot the jealousy in your head and whenever you were, I could tell,

Cuz baby, you try hard but , Jealousy, you can’t wear it well.

I rejoiced seeing you want me and then went ahead, wanting them.

You were right, that one time, when you said I am stuck up,

But baby, I was too proud to realize I’ld get caught with all my lies.

But baby, Im just a guy.

And now I see, what you see when you open your big brown eyes,

You see a dog, and you see a best friend, unconditional love ,

and I see a stray animal I can’t trust.

When you see a girl wearing a gown, you think of fairytales,

I see an over-covering dress on a big ass babe,

When you drive through snow, your mood lits up & you think of honeymoon,

I think of turning on my heater as soon I reach my room.

When you see a Deer in the snow, You think of Bambi,

When you see a Pig, you think of Pooh’s best friend,

When you see me, you wish I’ld change

And I think, To Hell with it!

 I’m just a guy.

When we see movies, you think of us,

And I see my ex in the actress,

When you listen to a song,

You think you’ld  write me one or hope I’ld sing it to you,

But I listen to the beats, the bass and the tunes.

When you see a guy, u see a friend,

When I see a girl, I think of doing her,

And I just hope u know I meant no harm,

I saw you the other day in someone else’s arms,

Girl, I’m just a guy.

The Real Life

The Real life

In Real Life , you don’t let go of people as easily and effortlessly as the fairy tales teach you. Or as letting go of a balloon on a crowded luxury street, where you don’t even notice the balloon you just let out.

In Real Life, it’s much harder, more painful and more mind-fucking. It takes away more sleep, gives more paranoia and makes you imagine worse things than you could be doing on drugs(if you are like me, a paranoid druggie). 

Then you yell at that someone, if things are still fine and he calls you or takes your calls.. but like, in most of the cases, you text them abusive stuff and then they text you back a mere “grow up” or similar. And it infuriates you and then you begin contemplating, and begin regretting, regretting him more than the texts you sent, and the abusive language more than ever giving him a chance when you never even found him close to attractive.. and then you sit up and think – I thought I was better than that, I thought I would let go gracefully, I am not immature, how dare he call me that.

And then these things run on loops in your head, over and over again… till its 5am.. and you are frustrated to not be able to sleep, and whilst all this, he is fucking her, or she is fucking him, or they are dead asleep or texting each other or there is a new prey…. Why am I even thinking all this, I know I don’t care.
Then you keep having these make-believe situations in your head of the future, of the surprise run-ins, and it never fucking ends. And you don't wanna think of that old part of your life anymore, but here you can't stop. You regret even letting it be a part of you for as long as you did, but you can't still stop thinking..

And insomnia, gifted to you… this is what happens in Real Life. In the Real Life, there are no gracefully, with poise, letting gos. We are humans, if we get hurt – we abuse, if we get hurt intentionally, we hurt them back. Even if I come from the Land of Gandhi, I am not Gandhi, that is why there was only one, Mahatma!

In the Real Life, you never receive flowers, or texts or incessant phone calls till your heart melts, no guy runs after you when you walk away.

In Real life, boys don’t come running back to you in the middle of the night, don’t sneak in through your window or buy you chocolates or sing you songs or hold your hands when you are mad at them, they don’t pick you up and scare you till you start laughing and forget whatever made you mad.

In Real life, They just leave and never say a word to you again.
And you have to make that choice to let go and never look back.

None of them

They are beautiful, and fashionable,

They speak well - sober, drunk-dance on tables,

They wear the kinda clothes I like,

and talk the sort of stuff that could inspire,

... but none of them are you.

They are all polite and graceful,

But I wouldnt wait on them to light my mood,

I wont care if they are one or 22,

cuz none of them are you.

You are 23 girls in one,

you kept each in your pocket as you blew candles making wishes every year,

I wonder what those wishes were, 

To be skinny, pretty, Or of material gains or happiness, 

You are gloomy one minute like you might break down
and then crack jokes in wavelength only I can decipher,
and I could see 20 blondes, but only your golden hair'll shine brighter,
Cuz I know u stole the daylight from the Sun every time it rained,
and hid 'em in your make-up box n ogled at the clouds so grey.
& then would predict when it shall rain,
Well! Meteorologists could do it too, 
and way better... but none of them are you.

I kept my hand on your arm last night thinking of what'd I do when you'd leave,

and these are only 3 days,

3 days are too less,

I have been gone longer.

I have friends, nice people.

They are like my siblings,

and I love them and they love me

...but none of them are you
none of them could ever be you. 

Pablo Neruda

"I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.” 
― Pablo Neruda

"You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming."
- Pablo Neruda

"And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us."
-Pablo Neruda

“Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land” 
― Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems

“so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache.” 
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

“I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.” 
― Pablo Neruda


“Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us” 
― Pablo Neruda



“Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.” 
― Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair



“Do tears not yet spilled wait in small lakes?” 
― Pablo Neruda