Love

The first time I saw U I never thought

We would be so much in what we are

I couldnot talk the first night we met

Just sat listening how crickets talked more than we did

Since then, There are part of things that havent changed

There are part of things that have

I am still as guarded as I was before

But there is someone now who understands.

I still whine n nag enough for an irritated office staff or waitor

But now  it doesnt piss u off, u would rather laugh it off later

Now I know ur dark secrets and u know mine

N the best part is it feels so right

I m not scared that u might not keep it 2 urself

Cuz I know that u always will.

But I know its not something as big as Love

Or maybe its much bigger than that

Everyone’s says I m rushing up, I should fear gettin burnt

But their city is as dull and cold as they are

and catching fire means we would be like fireworks

just a little more attractive dancing closer to heaven!

U have the keys to my heart

U r the person evry song sings of

U got me glowing blushing everytime

U made these sleepy nights shine,

I remember the smell of the night at 1:28

Even though Its been so long u have been away

I still remember the smell of ur perfume dat filled ur car

So how do u think we r living any far?

But I hope u  know its not something as big as Love

Or maybe its much bigger than that

U can ignore their dumb suggestions

With their wasted breath on There’s enough electricity to notice fireworks!

Little Big Issues

so do i owe u, 4 all dose damned emotions i felt or shits i realized? 

like knowin what xactly a song meant wid "i cant breathe 2night"

or when someone said they r scared of how they would get thru

or when people felt they had done shits they wanted 2 undo.

Now I know y U didnot understand

when I explained what all i felt

when I felt u had cheated

when I heard U were abt 2 go

when I knew U believed it

when I said there was nothing more

Dont u think I would like to forgive u?

Cuz I know, how bad I wanna be with u!

But how 2 forget that girl? who drowned all da nights

cuddled in da corner of her bed, sleepless n blind

cuz there was just too much water in her eyes

2 c what u were doing or 2 even realize

All da feelings she felt :

,ofcourse u cant even name them,

she was scared of da dark

she had a broken heart

she felt huge loss of self-respect

sense of despair n loneliness

apathy 2wards everything else n loss of appetite

not listening to songs cuz every song made her cry

wish 2 call or text u, constantly

hoping it was u everytime her phone would ring

being hurt n depressed massively

thnkin how u myt meet her next n wot she wud say n rehearsing

Then U say, "Isnot Love about forgiveness??"

Uh! Love, 4giving is easy, 4getting aint!

U ask me 2 reminisce our happiness

but boy there were none U gave!!

Mirror in the dark

You say U love Me,& I stay quiet

I stare at U, This time I wont fight

I know It has hurt U, but think about  the times U have hurt HER???

She could have lost faith in God, Well! u wont even remember.

I know u r shocked 4 I loved u always

N now I look so over that phase

But then I have good memory

N I don’t need 2 b reminded of how she used 2 b!

How she killed dose endless sleepless nights

With the moon n her tears

I don’t need to be reminded that some nights

Even the moon did not turn up!!

But now  I know u love me, n r completely besotted by me

But WHAT DO I DO???

I got fuckin good memory of HER!

Cuz I have seen her talkin 2 the Moon

Livin her life like a dumb abandoned dog

I have seen her SO close –

That I could count the unlimited red nerves in her eyes

I have observed her so much that I knew

She could break down every moment u walked by

I have seen her jaw muscles trying

2smile when someone taunted of u

I have seen how bad she wished

to get u or get over u

N now u say u fuckin like me like no one would do

But my goddamn memory kicks my ass when I think of u

Cuz I have seen her sittin all alone

Wondering - has the moon “too” gone??

I have seen her so much- sometimes with tears , sometimes with wishes

N I have seen u , callous always taking her for granted

N then u temme u have changed

N u love me with ur heart in ur hand

But do u notice Its too late for u 2 come back

I maybe dat sad girl in pain

But I am not da same!

I m his, n things arenot what we once had

But did we even have anything ?

Except for those damned cold night memories!!

N I will walk off cuz I wanna b able 2 face the mirror

When I stand infronta it not 2day but    …. some years later.

Ode 2 a Traitor

U owe to her, those promises

Which u once boasted about

Which now r chained in ur fences

Who knows when would they come out?

U owe to her “ a last goodbye kiss

A diamond necklace, a finger ring

Your house’s keys n ur so mean heart”

Who knew u could lie this hard

U owe to her  loads – the stars, the moon

Which once u said would surely come true

Like Science made TNT N Atom Bombs

Like Chemists made switchers n drugs

Man made a peace loving heart

Which kills n commits suicide when it loves

She owes to u, oh betrayer!

2 get her besotted 2 a strayer

2 giv her dose nice, unforgetful days

No matter now they would never cum her way

U came like spring

2 harness her love

N left this bird

With broken wings

An elegiac – sad pain in her poems

Cant u feel or u don’t feel like to?

U enjoyed  and now u have walked off

N was that what u were born to do?

When u c her eyes swollen

N her heart findin men filthy

N her emotions have got her broken

N with all dis, don’t u ever feel guilty???

U gave her joys, those of friendly cheers

A love bestowed, n a guy so dear

N now, a sinking heart with emotions so strong

Tears like blood so eminent to flow

As a bird with broken wings

May try – but can never fly

As all the leaves in Autumn

May try – but wind takes them for a flight

As a sinkin ship n a breakin home

May try – but its impossible 2 survive

N like 'em she may try but would end up in pain

N all her emotions would go in vain

B’cuz of a lover like u, she would pay

N would never love again !!

Those dark nights!

Those dark  nights  drowned by my tears

Those stupid love songs which tore my ears

Those uncountable wishes I made from the Moon

Wonderin’ would I eva  get over u!

Ur  sweet words melted my line b/w stupidity n sense

Ur  friends sat there makin fun of my innocence

N I darkened my imaginations wondering what would u do

If I die somehow, but I was never alive for u!

N I sat there thinkin wud u too b thinkin of me?

So now u have many haters including me

Dose pens which I emptied writin songs on u

Dose friends of mine who died listenin about u

Those stars I avoided for the moon

And 4 all of them, i would be comin soon.

Little plastic horses

Medicines for a patient

Treatment for the injured

Lives for a nation

But what’s for a broken heart?

It’s a vex that humans have developed!

They fuckin live with their fake faces on.

Fake love has always worked!!

Unfortunately, not on humans, but on pet dogs!

Desert woes

I hug my folded legs to my chest

I wish I was never caught in this desert

I have been dying for 1 drop of water n breath

Hw ironical, 4 my eyes shed oceans!

I have been aiming to be a star

Inspite Knowing how stars break down 2 pieces

N I thank god 4 who I am, with all my heart

- no actually, with whatever’s left of it .

walk over

I feared to seem a coward in your eyes

Oh! God grant me the power 2 b wise!

2 ask u 2 love me- I wrote a song

A love dats not too arrogant , not too bold

I loved u once, like a dope

With all my heart, w/o any hope

What feelings, despairs, and jealous pangs I knew

Hope your duplicate betrayer God grants U!

Love Note

HELLO  PEOPLE, I AM GONNA NARRATE U A LETTER

A LETTER KEPT SECRETELY N SWEETLY BY A GIRL

A LOVE STINKING PAGE BY A BETRAYER

FOR HIS SO-CALLED LOVE!!

“Listen girl, I am starting off

Wish me luck n have patience on

Don’t give that killin smile please

I cant afford 2 skip heartbeats

M I dead n if I not

Then how come is a fairy around?

M I God n if not

Then how come is a Goddess been found?

A falling star n I make a wish

To touch u feel u again on my lips

A full moon n I give a cry

How perfect would it be to have u by my side

Moon can c and so can da stars

But y has God sent u so far?

That u cant even c me, my pain, my life

N cant even imagine how I survive

Cold winds hiss – n u r missed

A bird sings – n u r missed

Moon can c and so can da stars

But then u like to be as cold as u r

Look at me, 4 me n 4get urself for a while

N maybe then u will know how difficult it is 2 live my life

My mind can flip – my life might drip

I have become crazy – love-sick

I have changed myself – all for u

How can u say that’s not enough for 2 do

Moon can c and so can da stars

Wish u were anyone – wish I had da powers

But u r nt,  u r a stone – but how can u be!

Cuz I am a stone – u have always told me!

U cant understand n I cant defend

I have no powers – tis over, its time to end

All I have r my words

N I love u like a man man, girl

Moon can c and so can da stars…”

SORRY PEOPLE THE LETTER FROM HERE WAS TORN APART

LOST IN JUNGLE, GOT WET IN THE MIST

UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE IT-

 2 ADD ANOTHER 1 ON DA BETRAYER’S LIST!

SO HERE IT GOES  .. “Moon can c n so can da stars

Thank God u r too far

2 c my face, expressions, my smile

N 2 b able 2 make out that I am lying!! “

Dear Luce!

Dear Luce,

I stand here, wiping my tears

Without which my survival is a Question Mark!

I stand here with my fulfilled fear

To never get a broken heart!!

They say, girlfriends get diamond necklaces

Yes! He never gave me one!!

But does that prove I was a mere fun?

I cant remember him tellin me he is mine!

Anymore than I can remember when I first learnt 2 tell time

But his fingers did magic 2 me

Wouldnot be “this” his love?

Rather  AGAIN my stupidity?

Yeah! I have his pic – but not one together

 N yeah when it rained last night

We did not walk back under the same umbrella

No! I dunno if he owns a vehicle

Never was I taken 4 a ride in 1

No! I cant recognize his handwritin too

For he never wrote me a love note

So many questions put him wrong

But my heart yells loud

Nothing from him but a baby in my womb

What do U think I do now, to live on??

I wont tell U

U r standing there, just by my side
I walk out cuz I try to hide –

I like you.

cuz when I see U

I think I feel my heart skip a beat
U r so unaware and I can hardly breathe – 

You got me. 

Like a dead shot duck!

N I cant tell u. Its not normal like everyone‘s.

but I don’t care, I still have fun!

I know what my life was missing till now

Tho v r nt 2gether, I feel complete sumhow

I wont tell u, cuz I wont wanna make another mistake

But I must confess that All the day,

My head is stuck in a cloud of rain

Of thoughts n wishes I myt never say

Like U r so beautiful, it is so surreal.

But of all the things I will never do

One of them is, all this, I wont tell U !

I Dont Know

i dont know if i will be any less lonely

i dont know, if i will sleep well in da coming nights

i dont know, if xmas would be merry or valentines happy

but i know there WONT be more of ur lies or my goodbyes

You didnot ask, i didnot say

u didnot beg, i didnot stay

now that i am sure its over,

i dont know if its for worse or better

but had it not, in another day or two

u wud have got me thinkin i am in love with u

i dont know, who was at fault? you or me?

i dont know, y u couldnot see

But da truth remains

u did not even notice

that there was a white tissue paper in my hand

with which I was busy wiping the tears of my eyes

and that I Couldn't say anything to your questions

Cause I knew that then I would choke out n begin to cry

But you didnot ask, i didnot say

u didnot beg, i didnot stay

now i know all da things we knew

that we would definitely do

turned out to be the ones

that we never would

right now, i dont know whats love

or what has made me so lonely

i cant say , right now, who is more hurt

is it you or is it me only?

i didnot take alot with me

just them damned memories

of us dancing in da rain

of u, when u had not changed

but u didnot ask, what kud i say?

u didnot beg, i could not stay !

left everything and left my soul,

our photos, my heart and sanity of my mind

i dont know what hurts more..

what i brought along, or what i left behind

its too much and maybe i need a bottle of whiskey tonight

but atleast the burden does not weigh in kilograms

n maybe its not what i left behind

maybe its what i brought along.

oh n all this wont have changed.. only if u had asked me to stay

but the truth is u didnot ask, i didnt say

u didnot beg, i wanted to stay !

Come in with the Rain

In my attempt to be wise, I told u shit.
n u said i am wrong n u r right, n this is it.
I said come what may, dont call, i wont pick up
u didnt even call once,
how do u know what i would have done!

and here i sit, trying not 2 cry
with these frowns wondering if only i m upset
who falls in for all da wrong guys
or does God make them wrong when i fall for them?

I said "i hate u" but it was surely not what i meant
u walked away, didnot even think how i myt hav felt
I waited for what felt like ages
n still no call, no text from U

n theres this urge to cry stuck in my throat
n i am making sense 2 y i shud cry 4 sumone i dont even know


I said "GO" but all i really want is U
2 win me back from my stupid pride
cuz i m sick of checkin my phone 2 c nutin from U
and please dont leave tonight cuz i might just die
wondering what went wrong, and going back 2 what happened
n what i wrote n u misread

I myt say it's over! But if u look a little closer

All I really want is U, 2 say "I am in love with U"

and stand ryt there my window/door, 

like i m Juliet, U r Romeo!!! 

Come save me tonight with your beautiful smile
say everything - all dose white little lies, to make this right

n i might have said "I dont need U"
but all i really need is, U.

:\

Well! Its been alot of seconds when I didnt thnk of him,
Been a lot of seconds when I did!
Been so many dreams where I saw him,
been so many where I didnt!

But that doesnt mean I cant smile anymore,
cuz he mostly made me cry!
There aint a single reason Y I shouldnt move on,
Its  more than worth a try!

Cuz this time too, he covered the distance between us,
but in opposite direction, from where stood he!
& I sat there helplessly seeing him walk on,
& leaving my world to Calendars, Clocks & Me!

Two thousand problems with You

Full Moon staring through the wild dark blue
I'm doing good, only my arms have missed you
It's going great, really, I have managed a few crushes
Another week, am sure it would be a few touches!

Sometimes I wanna wear that black dress
sit next to you with my head on your chest
Sometimes I wanna thank your dog
who avoided what we did & snored

I'm tormenting my hots for U & my emotions
to see if I can survive when u make me fall hard
It's an experiment, like throwing blood in the Oceans
to bring up and trap the hungry sharks

So what broke my heart?

I think the guy u r is not u,
or who I knew

Dont all Women have the same problem?
of saying "You have changed",
too many times a day?

You would want the bed and turn off the lights
& i'ld rather wanna sit here- long after midnight

& the best sleep. still, was the one in your arms
& waking up 2 wish we still had a few hours 2 dawn
But now I have stopped telling you when i dream of u
cuz I know u didnt dream of me, i dreamt of you!

Carrion.

like a vulture, u will fly from this place
away from this building u sit at and even away
n fly to the next building n away from me
then away 2 da next town, 2 da river, then 2 da sea.

back here, i would wait for u and so wud ur porn n ur car!
dont y'know, widout u, i have no reason 2 look haute
no reason 2 put on make up or 2 get drunk
no reason 2 dress up or wanna hav fun

so dont go, cmon sea is an emptyland,
dont u kno, vulture? i can b ur carrion
um! idk how many tyms i hav said dis "dont go ever"
il tel u one thing, i feel better when v r together

with u, i myt not get my perfect fantasy
but i stil remember hw u once made my heart beat fast n crazy
and once u made me nervous n gave me sweaty palms
once u made me wanna talk 2 u late night for hours

once i couldnot stop blushing when u wr with me
once u were all that i thought of before sleepin
once u were one of the few i prayed for
once u were not a rude ice box that now u r

once u were what i wished 4, from the shooting star
once i liked u looong enuf just so u kud break my heart
but its so cute how u fall 4 every next chic
it annoys me first, but i like non serious relationships

still i wud leave u, cuz dis all aint very simple or easy
u r so sexy but i got no one here 2 rescue me
myt think about u in an elevator, or when i sneak out at 1 am
or when i get drunk or i hear ur name or when da moon shines bright n it rains

i would want u 2 also think of me,n i got a  reason!!
cuz all ur other girls wont write u poems ;)
So when ur goin through the list of ur present girls
think of me when u notice one less person!

I never lost U!

So if I write a poem on how I lost U
Wont it be wrong?
Cuz if we sit n think, I never really had u!
Weird! i dont look forlorn!
Um! cuz havnt I felt it all the way till here?
So sick n tired of feeling diss - its nothin' new!
So u should know, i wud like u 2go die ur fuckin death!
I wud b sooo happy on an Earth minus U !

If I had..

If I had 2 more hands, I would have hugged u
as i packed my bags, n pulled u along as i fell for u!

In and out of love, again i start doubtin love

Wish I have another face, when i am all alone
I would talk straight faced, and cry away from da phone!
& if i had another mouth i could always carry around
I would kiss u hard while i talked out my heart.

but i fall in and out of love
in da end, start doubtin' love.

Only if I had eyes in the back of my head
I could have seen more of u as i walked away!
but not having all this also has a greener shade
b'cuz then u kud have seen me cry as i stormed away!

Must have been Love !

I liked how u held my hand, it did magic 2 me!
Now its 2 much weight 2 stand,
& no one here 2 rescue me!


Running after every girl u got,
& none of them close 2 even haute!
Now say sorry after U drove me so crazy n mad!
Another shot, and I ‘ld be checkin in a rehab!


U melted  my line b/w right n wrong
I m so hurt, cant even remember sinc hw long!
So Who gave u da idea u r Irreplaceable?
When u actually r just another picture 2 burn!


& there’s he, so incredible n sensible!
Makes all my friends wanna take him!
So nice, calls me pretty, never makes me wait
& I don’t even know Y I thot ours was a fairytale!


I knew if I ever date him, he wouldnt sting!
Still I wasted all my time on a dick!
Someone who came around 2 dim my shine!
I must have gone crazy, must have been blind!

So it must have been Love !! but m outta it now!
Loved how u called me baby, now it irritates me deep down!
U shot me, sugar, down 2 my roots!
Ah Must have thought I was bulletproof..!

The Other Side

Ofcourse there always is a first and the last time
& so unaware U r, of when they would come & go by
Your first touch, first kiss, & da first verses that U write
turn into nothing but wasted affection, words & time !

Its weird how something so ugly and dirty
can look so pretty and celestial at a time
and You keep on blindly running to reach
so unaware of what awaits u on The Other Side !

& when u do reach that fucking place
u c its not even close 2 what u thought it as
& there r no butterflies, clouds or sunshine
Trust me, there aint a worse place than The Other Side !

Apathy !

 

Stupid enough, I din c dat all u wr givin' me

wer just dese, cold rude late night memories !

Must hav been so hard 4 U 2 reach me

when u were makin' love 2 Apathy..!

U'ld abrade my heart til it's abt 2 die

n grow cold 2 an intolerable degree

it's hard 2 sleep wid u happily tonight

when u r waking up with Apathy

Gave u a look n U got me blind

Served u my heart n on my soul U dined !

it's hard 2 picturize u & me

when u r gettin' married 2 Apathy..!

Build me up 2 break me down!

okay! So i had not planned to write another one this fast. Its almost 2 am, luckily, there is nothing that kills ME, or creeps my insides, or makes me want to curl up and die.

But there was one thing i knew the very second it struck 12 on a new year's night this year, that this was not going to be a happy year for those in an affair/love. 

Everyone around me broke up, i mean, couples who were dating for sooo soo long broke up. like, couples u thought would stick together for better or for worse, would suck vivacity out of each other and will die married!

(okay! that is my irritation speakin so bad for 'em, but trust me! it IS kinda irritatin' 2 see your friends dating one person for ages and ages. 

and then our facebook is used as a weapon 2 show-off or boast abt their "made in heaven" affair, which leads 2 the damned wall posts on each other's walls, or dedicated statuses, or saccharine photo comments, uh! pathetic! get a fuckin' room! >-< )

okay! maybe i AM jealous, but cmon! its not like i want 2! 

but whatever, doesnot matter! i would instead stay single than date a dirty, lecherous, cheap, sick loser who has eyes open for opportunities 2 get anyone who walks on 2 legs! haha! i got on someother shit, yeah! so gettin my mind back on track..

so maybe this aint the right time 2 bitch about such couples' togetherness, cuz everyone is breakin' up! uh! "breathe and sail through" 4 all of  'em! and not only them, but so many other people who had dated or wanted to date, i mean y'know all that attraction thing, it all is just breakin' up, everyone around me is sad! THAT is sad! :\

i TOTALLY am on da break-up team, no matter if it is MY own. i mean, if one of you wants 2 break up, then trust me, let go! 

Try gettin' in their shoes, Just think what if YOU wanted 2 break up, and your partner WONT let go of you! Just cuz he has a habit of being with you or just being yours. like WTF???

You should always do what you would want others to do to you.

its like holding on to something that aint yours! or like tryna grab a bird/kitten when all it wants 2 do is fly/run away, theres nothin that u r gonna get at the end of da day, yeah! maybe scratches!

okay! atleast i dont want scratches! no one should.

 So yeah, cmon! Life is too short, Get over it & Move on!

Eventually one of the two things will happen :

He'll finally realize that you're worth it. Or you'll finally realize that he isn't!
Wiser always is the latter!

 Or you can enjoy this moment, be a little mesochistic, and enjoy this phase! there are milliona nice songs for heart-brokens and if this phase wont come, then who will listen 2 them! Cmon sadness aint that bad, if you play with it and not the vice versa!
Wow! i do sound sad, emo, goth, mesochist, sadist!! hahaha but cumawn! m just open 2 ideas, cut it.