Break Ups

So, Well… I am not someone who really accepts things to myself. I am the one who gets to know about being attached to someone, the last. Because I am always ignoring or in denial of my affections towards someone. But what I wanted to write was about Break Ups. We have so many of them, thrice every year. So, why not use this fresh hit in the head and write down the hurt.

Well, you know the feeling, you are hurt and you miss them, but given a chance, you wont take them back. They broke your trust, your heart, they blamed you to get rid of the guilt, they highlighted your mistakes with fireworks and did their sins in private of their space and planned them and hid them so well,  you could have spent another year wondering whatever’s happening with his cold-hot temperature… but thank God for the intuition of a woman.

So, its like They break your heart, You miss them. You hate them and then you love them. That whirlwind of emotions that runs through your mind day or night reliving the memories you shared. The end of a relationship is like a bereavement. The severing of a strong emotional bond to someone close to us.

STAGES OF A BREAKUP

Shock:

And when your relationship first ends, You didn’t see it. You could have broken a multiple times before but those are moods, you say “I’m done with you” because you are mad at him for not being attentive to you or blaming you for something you never did.

Whether you break up or your partner does, it may be too scary, too lonely, too confusing.

Mine is mostly confusing as hell. I never know if It were the Iceberg or a whole fucking Iceland that hit my ship. My mostly solution is a Rebound. It always works for me… but there’s nothing WORSE than when a Rebound fails as well. You might not wanna risk that. Either it can be a blessing or damn right back into the puddle of grief.

A state of disbelief could last hours, if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup. It depends if they are honest enough to tell you that they are over you and have moved on, if they don’t, it could last weeks or even months because you’ll keep on wondering, trying to put the pieces together of this puzzle. There could be a literal loss of breath, or trouble sleeping. The loss of breath LITERALLY happened to me once and I texted him “Thanks to you I know it is real what they say in songs – “I can’t breathe without you!”.”

We break down, we cry. We are like lost puppies in the woods, abandoned by our Master and we are running around, hoping he will come, get us… but he never does. We feel sad for ourselves, we can’t face the mirror, we are empathetic towards ourselves. Men tend to explode outward in their reaction to shock.  Women tend to implode, go internal and blame themselves, like “I should have never said this, maybe this is what drove him away.” “I shouldn’t have done that, it killed us.”

That is not true, he only faked it as a reason to get off the guilt. Anybody in anger shall react, it’s the law. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Do/Do not:

• Do watch TV or shows that show larger miseries in life than yours!
• Do pet animals, meet people with REAL problems.
• Do not freak out and react. You will make sense of all of this!

PLEADING
Oh this is the suckiest part, so sucky that it’ll make you laugh later!

This is where your Self-Respect is taken by you and just blown away in barter for your ex back in your life.

This happens with me, HATE TO ACCEPT IT. That’s why I know this is by-far the most unforgettable phase of all. It is a pay-back time for what you'll do in the ANGER stage. Sometimes involving prayers, this stage is often about getting your ex back, it is about restoring what you had because letting go is like entering a new territory, but other times, it is about absolving your own guilt if you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else (thinner, less jealous, etc.) to make amends -- when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away.

It's the SUCKIEST because it only makes us look weak and desperate in our partner's eyes and in our future eyes! It does the exact opposite of the desired effect and pushes them farther away, making us feel more like an abandoned puppy, now being kicked away by his master as we approach them to take us with them, back to our house.

Do/Do not:

• Do create a self-love list complete with what makes you happy and things you want for your future.
• Do not include wanting your ex back in the above list!
• Do not start stalking their Twitter or blog or Facebook.

(And another thing easier said than done, and I suck like a slut at this one. You gotta stop checking his or her online activity. It's gotta happen!!

It may be right there, and you're not breaking any rules or anything, but it's still not good for YOU. If they want you, they can text you or call you. They have your number or your mutual friends do.

People spend months, or years keeping tabs on exes. What if your ex gets a new significant other? Are you going to start looking at their stuff, too? Pretty soon, you're informing yourself on a life that isn't even yours anymore. Sadness! If you have to de-friend or un-follow, do it! It's not about being bitter, it's about being good to yourself.)

ANGER
This is the most crucial phase! This is where the fun starts!
This is where regrets are made! This is what IM GOOD AT! :P
The anger comes from a place of helplessness from our loss.  We feel that we are a victim of our ex and we use anger as a way of trying to recapture some of the power that we feel they’ve taken from us through ending the relationship.  It’s a way of desperately trying to balance out our sense of powerlessness.  It is often Defensive than Offensive!
The anger gives us something new to believe in when the belief in the relationship has been taken away.  It gives us new strength and new structure at a time when we feel weak and loss of structure.
You’re done crying, you’ve had enough of that low-life playing you while you thought it was ALL YOUR fault. Now you see him for who he was, what your bestfriends warned you against, and now you’re MAD. Really, really mad. 
Thinking about everything that went wrong with the relationship, and now you're wondering how you ever let that vile demon-spawn of an ex under your skin, anyway. He wasn’t even worth your type.. and you never would have found him attractive, to begin with. And THAT guy did THIS to you?! 
The passive-aggression may be kicked up a notch.. Your Twitter shouts how heart-broken you are. Your comments, in general show what a morbid-dead person he made you, on the inside. Your Facebook feed is making people uncomfortable.
In this stage, your heart goes from confused to raging mad. It becomes fueled with anger towards your ex for whatever his part in the breakup was. During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of him, or in our world -  Deleting pictures of him, getting untagged from those on Facebook, holding his stuff hostage, slandering him to his friends or worse. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk -- regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

Do/Do not:

• Do feel, write or talk about your anger.
• Do not drink. You may be tempted to send some unscrupulous late night texts.
• It’s OK to have fantasies of “acting out” against our ex as long as we don’t actually act it out in real life.  Over time, anger helps to break the love feelings we felt towards our ex. 
• Do not act on it. Do not say words that you wont be able to take back.

(I know its harder done than said, I can yet not master this art. The Art of Letting go, gracefully. I get hurt and in my defense, pull the other down so well that later I think I could have walked away without that too!)

 Underneath our Anger resides, Sadness. Which shall be on it's way! Then Acceptance :)