Burning Bridges

Sometimes its not the act that makes it so difficult to let people back in, its the person they fucked with. Its not them, its not the time.

Letting people back in.

How hard is it?

Not a bit, give It a week’s time & I am good to take people back. I have no ego, cuz I know I am better. I have learnt from personal experiences people who aren’t sure of your reaction or aren’t confident of their self-respect , are the ones who least express overtures.

I, on the other hand, don’t care…. I could text my ex-friends right now, saying

“Hey! I miss u. I know you fucked up… and I know I was hurt then, I never thought you’d mess up like that. U were like my sister, it was terribly wrong. But I don’t wanna think about it. Cuz you aren’t God and I miss what we had. So, whatsup with u?”

And I know the reaction is always

“Hey! I am sorry I didn’t mean to. I was immature and I didn’t think it meant so much to you. I swear I wish I could un-do it. But yes let bygones be bygones. & I missed u too, everytime I heard this song, or when someone talked with so much passion or when my parents asked where ur besties at. And I wanted to come say hi that night I bumped into you, but u saw through me like I was invisible. Im glad u messaged, I wanted to so many times but wasn’t sure how you’d take it. ”

But if every relation had one person like me, then I think no relation would ever break right? Like, I’d make the move, they come back in.

Then why do I not have all the people I started with? I meet more people than I keep in my life, its not I hate the ones I see through, so what is it?  Why do we choose to build more walls than bridges? Why do we choose burning bridges than breaking walls?

Ive realized sometimes, it’s not the act of treachery, it’s not the timing, it’s not breach of your trust, it’s not the person who is doing it, it's not me……

But the person they fuck with, that KILLS it forever. And when this happens, like a sloppy-all-tongue-saliva-kiss, it suuckss and then no matter how good they were in other ways, u never go back!

One of my best girl friends for 7 years fucked up the same way, I could still take her back. I could just text her this second and hang with her tonight. But my sister will never approve of it, so I shan’t.

Well this girl, G, she sneakily tried to shit-talk about my other close friend, A, to B.

B- who apparently is who A loved*.

And the thing is my friend, A, is a more calm, forgiving person when it comes to friends than I am. I have my sister and I am good to go.

Anyway, so sometimes, its not the act (like, going and trying to flirt with ur love) – cuz the act didn’t succeed.

Its not the timing, cuz its been more than the period of time that lets one forget fuck ups by friends, almost a year now, I guess.

Its not the breach of trust, cuz she had broken trust on a daily basis before too, but was never thrown out and outcast-ed like this ever before.

It’s not the person who did it, cuz well, even if she did whatever she always used to, we still thought we were all sisters. We were supposed to be each others’ bridesmaids. But the person she fucked with, is the person that killed the relation. And well, my friend, A, didn’t even care to mourn for this relation's death or do its cremation. It was left dead cold and never spoken to or about or looked at, ever again.

And I am going through the same right now, with someone I don’t hate, but u know the feeling where u don’t hate someone, but u don’t like them either. It's almost Apathy, not completely yet, but getting there.

You would crack jokes about them but u don’t want others to do it, cuz u know they weren’t so bad and u don’t wish them ill but u know they killed it. They killed it so well, that u cant even find back and paste the pieces even if it were your relationship’s death wish. And another thing, people who fall in these circles of treachery and murder of ur relation with them, are more often – Cowards.

They could say a sorry, but either they don’t mean it or have too much ego to actually apologize well enough and make up to how well they went and fucked up.

You set the honesty bar too high, they aint got hands to reach it… or morals.

And sometimes burning bridges lights your way ahead!

*Not getting into complications here. Love is something I still cant write as easily as people say. Cuz I think it should be stronger and crazier, uh well, maybe it was… She still talks about B and still wont take her 8 years old friend G back. So maybe it was.