Growing Up

I got tired waiting for the words he has been saying now,

I almost died to see this look in his eyes,

I did everything a person could have,

For him to want to be just around me all night.

Now he wonders why I am acting indifferent,

When, for months, he didn’t even bother if I was alive.

My friends have started calling me "cold and distant"

But I think I am just done redeeming happiness through people, this time

Because the memories people give, I don’t need them

Just like their stupid penny-cheap promises.

I was Drunk

I walked on that road with you, the one I have only seen once since you shifted there.

I held your hand, I wasn’t scared of rejection, and I don’t applaud your reliability

Cuz you never had it. I did it cuz I was drunk.

I again felt like coming home; to that boy who aged too fast yet never did,

I felt like snow and fire and you throw away my cigarette cuz you cant wait to go in.

My friends thought I was dumb, to be repeating my “mistake”

But I never thought we were one, and you never thought we were anything.

Well maybe I WAS dumb, or in love.. But I like to think I was drunk.

And you kissed me, I kissed you with all of me.. my kiss saying things I never did,

you could have heard it, and you heard what you did and told me to ease it.

Funny how you always come in to prove you are suicide bomb, bag of disappointments,

Funny how long I loved you after you were gone; to have you come back just as disappointing as you had left.

Somehow I left my lockets at your place, the ones my sister sent for me,

And I thought you would be better than throwing them away or keeping them from me,

But you did… like you did to my heart.

There were signs from the start, they were in BOLD on the billboards

I jumped through them, well maybe I was blind, I like to think I was drunk.

Now you called me again, Cuz you know I will come to you from anywhere in the city

Well, I’m sober now… 

and I just realised the only real thing you ever had just died within me.

Good Enough

How I hate waking up to run through another day of work blues,

I bet I would love to wake up before my Alarm rings If I wake up to you,

And I would see your beautiful face and it would all be worth it..

Then I would crib about work and having to see you in 10 hours

And divide those hours and count them down,

sneak out as many texts to you without getting caught.

& then someone’s slow whispering would remind me of your “shh” in bed

Which you do while I lay restless and you are sleepy.

And someone’s joke will remind me of your face that you make

After you say something only you think is funny.

Or my favourite minute when one of my friends would say your name, and ask about you

And I will say your name two more times like it’s music and find another excuse to text you.

I might not quite know how I feel about this or about you

But I know I know you so well, I may not want to know anyone else.

I may not be quite in love with you, I can not yet vouch for my fidelity

But You got me unmatching my Tinder matches and you got me have your timezone in my phone.

Now all the boys are too short, or too indecisive, 
or don't blush with enough colour in their face.

I miss your Yes is Yes, and No is No
I miss how you can't tell I want you to call me when I tell you to- leave me alone.

I miss your Grey is Grey, there’s no other shade.

Those three words are dumb and I don’t know what they mean

But I can try to be good for you; and you are good enough for me.