The Real Life

The Real life

In Real Life , you don’t let go of people as easily and effortlessly as the fairy tales teach you. Or as letting go of a balloon on a crowded luxury street, where you don’t even notice the balloon you just let out.

In Real Life, it’s much harder, more painful and more mind-fucking. It takes away more sleep, gives more paranoia and makes you imagine worse things than you could be doing on drugs(if you are like me, a paranoid druggie). 

Then you yell at that someone, if things are still fine and he calls you or takes your calls.. but like, in most of the cases, you text them abusive stuff and then they text you back a mere “grow up” or similar. And it infuriates you and then you begin contemplating, and begin regretting, regretting him more than the texts you sent, and the abusive language more than ever giving him a chance when you never even found him close to attractive.. and then you sit up and think – I thought I was better than that, I thought I would let go gracefully, I am not immature, how dare he call me that.

And then these things run on loops in your head, over and over again… till its 5am.. and you are frustrated to not be able to sleep, and whilst all this, he is fucking her, or she is fucking him, or they are dead asleep or texting each other or there is a new prey…. Why am I even thinking all this, I know I don’t care.
Then you keep having these make-believe situations in your head of the future, of the surprise run-ins, and it never fucking ends. And you don't wanna think of that old part of your life anymore, but here you can't stop. You regret even letting it be a part of you for as long as you did, but you can't still stop thinking..

And insomnia, gifted to you… this is what happens in Real Life. In the Real Life, there are no gracefully, with poise, letting gos. We are humans, if we get hurt – we abuse, if we get hurt intentionally, we hurt them back. Even if I come from the Land of Gandhi, I am not Gandhi, that is why there was only one, Mahatma!

In the Real Life, you never receive flowers, or texts or incessant phone calls till your heart melts, no guy runs after you when you walk away.

In Real life, boys don’t come running back to you in the middle of the night, don’t sneak in through your window or buy you chocolates or sing you songs or hold your hands when you are mad at them, they don’t pick you up and scare you till you start laughing and forget whatever made you mad.

In Real life, They just leave and never say a word to you again.
And you have to make that choice to let go and never look back.

None of them

They are beautiful, and fashionable,

They speak well - sober, drunk-dance on tables,

They wear the kinda clothes I like,

and talk the sort of stuff that could inspire,

... but none of them are you.

They are all polite and graceful,

But I wouldnt wait on them to light my mood,

I wont care if they are one or 22,

cuz none of them are you.

You are 23 girls in one,

you kept each in your pocket as you blew candles making wishes every year,

I wonder what those wishes were, 

To be skinny, pretty, Or of material gains or happiness, 

You are gloomy one minute like you might break down
and then crack jokes in wavelength only I can decipher,
and I could see 20 blondes, but only your golden hair'll shine brighter,
Cuz I know u stole the daylight from the Sun every time it rained,
and hid 'em in your make-up box n ogled at the clouds so grey.
& then would predict when it shall rain,
Well! Meteorologists could do it too, 
and way better... but none of them are you.

I kept my hand on your arm last night thinking of what'd I do when you'd leave,

and these are only 3 days,

3 days are too less,

I have been gone longer.

I have friends, nice people.

They are like my siblings,

and I love them and they love me

...but none of them are you
none of them could ever be you. 

Back to Strangers

She had never met a guy with more annoying confidence in pursuing his dreams,
and more annoying confusion in knowing who to keep!
Than the one who stole her heart & failed to return it in one piece.

She had never met a man with more conceited, decided character,
who had another, a feeble one- causing ambiguity which were double,
his traits of indecisiveness, she failed to endure much longer.

... And now they are Friends,
Friends who'd sit online on whatsapp but won't initiate a convo, friends with altered behaviour and poisoned rapport,
Or Strangers,
Strangers that don't have a chance to be acquainted to a fresh start, Strangers to whom she can't say "Hey! Where r u from?"
He still possesses the power over her heart,
He could make her skip beats anytime he'd want,
& between torturous grief and delightful raptures, he'd make her run back and forth,
He could make her physically sick, could make her moods drop,
& Make her puppy sad, everytime he argues, and he argues a LOT!


Maybe we ran too fast, that we ran out of gas,
maybe violent desires do have violent ends,
Maybe we reached the mountain peak
And aint there anymore left to climb,
Maybe we killed the magic over the thousands of times we'd fight.
And I know I handed him the scissors to cut me off,
And I wanna take it back and dig its fucking grave in a hidden park.

His emotions were too overwhelming for my heart,
&  my heart was scared of feeling,
& what if he'd break my heart?
And see it happened now,
and now he'd take his stupid giggle to another stranger from another cafe or another bar.

All heroes have scars..

We all carry with us the things that we could not let the world to see,
they could be drowning us from within, they could be making us happy,
We could be ashamed for the world to see them,
We could be caging them so they could not flee,
I carry something too
I carry you with me.

I carry you everywhere I go,

You meet me when you’re there,

You meet me when you're not,

You meet me when I’m hoping you’ll be there,

You meet me when you’re far away, in a corner,

You meet me when we both pretend like we couldn’t care,

You meet me when you tell me I have glitter on my eyes,

You meet me when you cant look away,

 when I’m dancing with other guys,

You meet me when the words I didn't say haunt me,
You meet me when my friends surmise you like me,
You meet me everywhere I go,

And now you’re gone.

I thought it’d hurt me, I thought it’d make me cry,

But I’m happy,

Gone is the power you had over me,

Gone are the hopes I had,

Gone are the 11:11 wishes,

Gone are the drunk tweets for you,

The regrets of not having said or done what I should have,

The completeness of just your presence,

The tiring effort to like half of who a person you were,

Gone are the attempts to balance between strong like for you and my self-respect,

Gone are the oh-someone-else-is-saying-what-I-want-someone-else-to-say,

Gone are the late night make-believing of where we vent out and shape our future,

Gone are the mind-chains binding me to you, Here’s to freedom,

Gone are all the thinking about you, persuasion,

No more waiting for you to comprehend me,

No more trying to drop my ego and express,

No more waiting for you to break through my walls,

Babe, now bridges are burnt and the pages have turned,

You could be with any girl in the world,

It wouldn’t even matter anymore cuz it’s all gone. You took it along.

You were no incessant texts, you were no keeping promises, lending hoodies,

You were no love letters, drunk-late night long phone calls,

You were no rainy nights, holding hands, moon-light making out,

You were regrets, disappointments, defying logic, big mouth and bigger walls.

  

Walk away...

Its amazing how someone can mean so much to you in a couple of weeks' time,
Its amazing how someone can make you choke when he boards his flight, 
its amazing how you fall in hate for your city
And forget how to keep a conversation running,
And forget how easy once it was to breathe,
Amazing how u still talk about it a year later tonight,
how it all affects you, and kills you,
And I'm sure he thinks, you hate him or feel apathy,
But its amazing how he can push you from "almost love" to "almost apathy" without realizing any of it,
how he can rain on your parade of happy hopes and emotions and not know any of it,
Its amazing how you battled all of this,
This - virtual creation of an idea that never existed, this delusion of an ideal man that he never was,
This - turmoil of rejection, being abandoned, all these pangs of emotions that you created in your head,
The hope that he might write to you, realizing how much you still like him,
The hope that he will call you on your birthday,
The hope that he will tell you that he will visit you....
But he never did, cuz he never intended to,
Cuz you made a castle of your dreams and forgot to reality check if marbles or bricks even existed..
He found a girl, In her, almost found his family,
And here you are, finally getting a grip of apathy!

Delirious with Apathy

While you ran marathons, snow-slid with someone else,
I lie here waiting for my phone to notify me of your texts, 
Lately I wonder why I gave u the confidence to move on
Why I gave you the pleasure to belong to someone yet make me yours.

And you might think I found another, or hate you for what you did,
But honestly I don't blame you more than I blame myself,
For liking you more than you did,
And you walking away just showed me you never were as special as I pictured u in my head.

And I hate-talk to you when I'm sober and mush-talk to you when I'm drunk,
You don't get my deal or why m I vomitting such hurtful words,
And you don't get me, cuz you never did..
I'm just too in like with you to see you with another chic..

That I can't even sweet-text to u on the phone,
But u don't get it, like what makes me so mad,
That's just what makes me hate you more..
I've been lonely since you've been gone
To her arms, to her heart... N now that's where u belong.
But guess what, I liked u too much to attend ur funeral with tearful eyes,
Cuz u made me cry more than my share, while u r alive!

Ambition - to achieve, not beat others.