Have a Problem Being a Man

I see you are sitting online on Whatsapp

And maybe you are also missing what we had,

It's too late in the a.m., you could be checking me
or is there a new man? Well who'd have a problem being yer man..
Does he pull your hair like I did? Do you watch movies with whoever he is? 
& smile when you hear him giggle at something that don't make you laugh?
Does your voice make him uneasy in the stomach? like it does to this man?

Did he ask you to use more of your Car's brakes? This do we really got to complicate?

Knowing you, you are a piece of hard-work.. but I am ready now to put in my efforts,

I even heard your favourite song, I think the lyrics describe what we had going on.

What did we have, girl? Why are you busy pretending you don’t remember?

You cant just cut me off like a flock of your hair. What I did was slightly different,

Ofcourse I'd have a problem being a Man when I'd get caught up with my friends, 
Don’t you know they are all dickheads.

I can’t scroll down your number now and whats his name, the one you brought around

To mess my entity, like a stupid move of Chess.

The bartenders know your name, girl.. Don’t go to the bars I go to

Unless you wanna hear my side of the tale, girl… the one I made where I look good too.

The bartender convinces me you will come around by the time I reach the 4^th round,

But I am sat wondering why it did not work out.. why is my bed-side empty and mind’s not?

But if you are mixing your beers with tears then I am tasting mine with regret,

If you are lying that you don’t care then you should know I haven’t even slept..

Have left the main door open, even got numbers of your favourite Order-In

Got a pack of beers to keep me company until you decide to walk in =)

There's a pack of Marlboro Lights in the drawer next to me,

We will go to the kitchen to light it, whenever you feel like smoking.

Think I will tell the guard to not doze off on duty again, but be sure he lets ya in

Hope you walk in soon, my heart’s sick of dropping beats with every car driving in.

We don’t have to decide tonight, where all we went wrong, or where we goin'

But if you want, I would get my data and make you a presentation,

My friends keep saying I am losing my mind and you are never coming back

Well! They used to say I could do better.. now how wrong was that!

Who cares what they say, girl.. cant be any harder,
I have missed you down to each milliletre of every bottle

I know you are gonna act like it don't even matter,

Cuz you are sick of me, seems like we finally ran out of water.

Think I will be a man and call yer number, if you will listen

But we both know I have a problem being a man and you have a problem listenin'
But see I pressed "Send" on this text, let me hear you drive in to forgive me,

But if you don't, we'd blame it on the late night, empty bed, beers & who I used to be.

Harbour to my Oceans

You are the calm to my disaster,

The pacifier to my Devil,

You are the harbour to my Oceans,

The quiet to my crazy

I run away from everything before it runs away from me,

But here I am with you; sitting, not looking at you or even wondering if you are still there.

You paralyze my runnings, sterilize my anxiety;

I have met human-drugs before, but you are the one that’s anti-toxic.

I just feel like I could back-walk a cliff and you would save me,

Even before I would realize, even before my heart could skip a beat

You get along with all my friends, to an extent they could be jealous,

You put my phone on charge without telling, when I forget to..

You call me beautiful every morning I wake up next to you,

I walk in 24x7, unsafe, post-drinking to quickly collect a thing or two

Just to turn around to see the guy standing close to me is you

Things I have been resisting to feel, or have felt with fear

You give it all and more on a plate to me, and still stay there.

And with your Greece-blue eyes, you became that spot at the end of the road

Where running stops, where one sits and drinks water,

You became the harbour and the anchor..

I am just afraid, what if I am in love with the storms,

what if that's the only thing I have ever known?

What if I am the sailor.

Song of Deborah

Why is everything so easy with you?

How did you iron all these creases so soon?

Why do I not bother my heart might err again?

Or swim in the clouds of illusions that I create.

What if you don’t even know what you are doing?

What if I am giving birth to feelings and you are comfortably unaware?

What if you blind me with Cloud No 9

And then poke a pin and make it rain?

But for now, I am just happy to have you staring at me,

while we make it together another day..

Happy that someone was born with the crazy blue eyes on 28^th,

with possession of a heart that says

“I like you” in reply of “I like you”, not “I like you too”,                

Happy to see you try that I would believe you, even though you know I wont.

And it’s so easy to hope you are wrong, when you tell me you cant be with someone,

As I sit talking to the blushing-face, with the blues of Greece, I found..

As easy as beauty comes to you, when Sun shines on your ocean eyes amidst the desert beige.

And how about you tell me you are not ready, without drawing me in with your playful bantering mouth?

How about you tell me its nothing. while your fingers, on my skin, sing a different, unheard song of Deborah?

how can I act nonchalant, When even your teddy bear awkwardly sees it 

from your wardrobe rack,

as I run paper-cuts through your back

So happy, I cant trust this and then you say you take my incredulity as a compliment anyway..

Not Me!

Remember the time when you were so in love,

And not me..?

Those late night stupid drunk calls, or care-yelling at me cuz you found a new bruise on me,

Or when you could not even type properly

Cuz I had again pissed you out of my repulsion of too much stability?

And nomatter what you did or I did, it wasn’t enough,

Cuz one of us played our relationship like a dirty football on a rainy muddy field,

And it was Not me!

And you wanted to say the precious “I love you”

But not me,

And you began saying it like you meant it, then scrubbed it till it had no meaning.

You were you or someone else, but I still liked him better,

And I was so busy being Queen bee, cuz you would let me to!

Not cuz I wanted to.

I was sure of the presence of your arms even if I would hurt you..

Now look who is winning the Mean Girls tag!

Not me.

I had you right where I liked it.. in my Inbox, In my mailbox, in my head, in my heart,

And when I would get my head together, I would drive to you;

And we would kiss like it’s 2am, like we have been drinking, all night, hard supply of booze,

When really it would be 12 in the afternoon.

Could you find those violent delights somewhere else, babe?

 Could you really want to rely on someone like I did to you?

Well, not me.

You know when you get tired of running into wrong women, and learning different names,

You know when your heart gives up new rules, new games, and new ways of fucking women’s brain,

Be sure of one thing, you could always come back to one person…

Not me! :)

I run away

I tell him he feels like home I never had, he is that soul I knew even before we ever met,

the familiar smile, that connection they say you’ld just know when you find.

He is the reason I have been bunking work, dodging friends, avoiding going out till 4am.

Reality is more interesting than my dreams if I wake up to his arms.

Its good, it’s just how they told it is to be.

He got me tell him “I like you” in my drunk rapturous fit,

and then I run away in the morning so I don’t get attached to his warmth and his scent.

I got him wonder what I really want, and I tell him – Its just good, too good.  Like they showed in the movies.

It gets me scared like what if I end up catching unnecessary feelings like the dogs catch fleas..

and what if it's my heart's grave and not the flower bed I'm digging?
Why shall I waste time nurturing all these plants 
when there's 50% chances of somebody else walking away with my flowers.

I like the anticipation he begets in me, the hint of something dangerous, the stormy passion,
I like how unsafe my heart is around him and then I go reducing risk in my Run-Aways,
I know he hates my indecisive attitude, probably cuz he doesn't get what he is capable of doing to me..
Maybe he sees a human in his Office mirrors, maybe he really is not a super human..
I envy his mom when he says she is the only woman he has ever loved.

It could be love, and then I run away..

Its too good, like magic and I know it will vanish, like the ghost under my bed when I try to find it;

Or like Gods when somebody murders or when somebody you love is dying.

It’s good, we are each other’s human drug; I can’t run too far before I come back for my dose of him.

And just like a month back, despite the resistance we are about to give in again...

When I run away.

Undo It

And again, I got drunk and again, I missed you,
And again, wondered if you miss me too.
(A thousand times on repeat)
I know you don't and I don't know what sucks more
That I do or that you don't?

It rained tonight, I thought of you;
I skip all these love songs cuz they remind me of you.
You turned me into an asshole but still you are all I would choose,
All I like, all I hate, got your name meaning the world to me,
I hate emotions cuz they made me a servant to you.
I hate drinking cuz it reminds me of falling in love with you;
vulnerable and weak.
I, So many times, plan to change my damn number,
But then what would that do?
You know you were the world to me.
The universe and the orbit.

The most good-looking guy was a faded colour to me,
If they compared him with your crazy eyes .
Your hands were God to me, no where was heaven but in your arms,
You chose differently, and wanted to smell a different perfume.
Now you are worse than a stranger and Idk if I wanna hug you and tell you what you mean to me,
or step on you with my heels,
All I know is you were my heaven and you chose differently.

You get it from your Father

Tell me “Losers quit” 

but ages I’d been on it, and there was not a scope to win.

Tell me “People change” 

but every smart person knows it’s just an escape from comprehending bitter things!

Now that I am all out of like with you, and my world doesn’t orbit around those silly million lies,

I see how you had me addicted to those heavy-weight arms and the way they held me at nights,

Yeah you had the green eyes charm, you were a terrible disease,

No wonder you always had me love you long after you'ld leave,

Maybe you get it from your father, they say boys do,

You know it better, cuz you happen to be one of them too!

Well you can’t shit-treat someone and demand spotless reputation,

When you were always the one holding the lighter whenever jungles caught fire,

We all know you got some crazy and its probably deeper than you would have wanted.

And now that I have over done my time, I can’t imagine what was nice about those eyes,

You had me waiting on a false promise that you later abandoned, like everything in your life,

And now that I have been too long here, I know I shoulda also walked off.. day I met you,

Well, Maybe you get it from your father, they say boys do,

You know it better, cuz you happen to be one of them too!