Love is weak

And I thought of you when the stars came out

And thought of you when the stars lost their shine,

I thought of you a micro second after I woke up,

And I thought of you till I lost whatever sanity was left of my mind.

I thought of you when I battled through these lonely traffic-roads,

Like I covered the distance between us, again, this time.

Funny how you lived in my heart this long yet acted unaware all this while.

And I learnt what most take forever to learn,

A diamond would be of no value to a dog,

I learnt Love is weak, It makes one weak,

It makes you your most vulnerable,

It makes you carry people with you everywhere you lead,

That my arms are heavy and my muscles bleed,

And I find myself drowning in the oceans I was never supposed to see.

They become denizens in you like the blood in your veins, 
In your heart so long they reside, It estranges you from your heart, making it a stranger to your body.

Just a bloody organ; self-destructive and weak.

Bring Her Home

He wished he would have meant when he said he loved her,

He wished he had not, when he blurted he couldn’t,

The silent thoughts in his mind were screaming to be let go,

The type that hid the violent truths that could bring her home.

He wondered if she held the same poetic passion for another,

The type to give someone those cinematic powers to hurt her,

Like she gave him, Like he hurt her..

Over trivial affairs, over the hypothetical loss of one another,

over his attempt of having trivial affairs.

Albeit Another is coming, and another was here last night,

The only difference remaining, he wishes he was kissing her smile.

Another pair of beautiful hands held, another girl drunk on her toes,

Another one enters his door, and he wishes he could bring her home.

Now he lies in his bed, wondering if someone else lies in his bed, 

listening to her footsteps in the kitchen.

With her hands on utensils, they cannot cook; but she will not listen.

He wishes someone puts an end to all these wishes & memories running on loop,

wishes someone puts this girl to sleep, who is in his bed; and gives him a pill too.

He wishes someone would pull him out of this darkness, perhaps make sense to how his life got so hollow.

He wishes if someone can see her, will tell her how, in company, he feels alone;

but someone who will meet her will also want to bring her home.

Demons and Ghosts

Blame anyone, not me when you see I moved on,

I wrestled, like my Life depended on it, with my demons 

and your skeletons but they were never long gone.

When you laughed at me later, was when I noticed your shirt was far from bloody

while mine was dripping of my sweat and their blood.

Now I don’t know who you were or I was

or if the nights were always this long and empty; and morning Sun always jumped out to eat us?

Were words of strangers always so similar; and did they teach in Schools to love in halves?

Was being cold the only way to survive; and did the world always depend on chemicals than on people?

Times of ink and paper have gone, and our’s has fled too.

I write with my laptop, Technology feels not very romantic..

But Romance was the jungle I burnt much before I was out of the woods.

I never wonder how you must be doing, or if you dedicate a second to me.

Maybe because the ghost of your absence, the angels of your memories meet me, enough.

Enough for me to remember the perfume I’d wear before I felt the touch of your fingers on my skin,

Enough to remember your habits that gave my heart those creases I chose to leave & begin again,

Enough for me to remember the sound your laughter made when something amused your tiny brain,

Enough for me to remember my city is not the residence of your face, but Derby.

My eyes see all of you in every place, and it’s such a rush

to still have you in me, so much.

So much that you never left.

You are always here

That I hear you whisper, everynight, you wish you were here

to my almost sleeping ears.

I say I love you

How can I say I love you, When my heart is as cold as an Ice cream cone?

How can I say I love you,  when I've said it to another before?

How can I say I love you, When its but a mood or a word or a haux?

How can I say I love you When you've said it to me before you let me go.

How can I say its forever, When my brain tells me its fucking not,

How can I say its forever, with your name on my heart and a curse on my lips?

How can I say it’s forever, without your hand in my hand but still the reason for my lack of sleep?

How to ever say it’s forever, When its never forever for anybody else?

How can I say its forever, It will only be a disgusting bitter joke.

How can I say its forever, When forever's today last for 6 months or maybe give it a month more.

Don't call me bitter or damaged or hurt or torn,

I'm not a cynic, nor heartless, nor in a war mode,

I'm wise, I'm a realist, I survive.

I take pride in being able to walk away.

I am with you, but my bags are always packed in the car, in the driveway.

I take pride in being able to dig my feelings under the earth just as well as you,

I take pride in being in control of my emotions, in not being a fool

To the shallow worldly games of people who have nothing better to do.

People like you.

Coffins of Dead Loves

When I was little I craved for a feeling that could not be described

Like a colour that cant be explained;

A man that cant be sought out

A moral not easily attained.

I thought Life was easy, and I know it is;

But I believed in humanity and wrongfully yet, I believed in humans,

I saved the left over emotions, after a lost love’s departure, in a box in my heart..

Over the years, there was no room for another love to be placed

Love didn’t live here, numerous coffins of dead loves were there,

The former lovers didn’t return to take these memories back

Or these remainder of feelings that were banished to be practiced.

Now I know they didn’t need them just as much as I didn’t.

I decided to drown these boxes, they were only demons in my heart,

They were eating me from within and putting an end to any new start,

They gave me violet bruise of a fever or two, or scarlet of cynical fury,

They made my brown eyes blue and my emotions gray- empty,

Now I remember to forget about these boxes everyday,

and my demons have one less toy to play with and Its not me in their chains,

I am at calm with myself, not enamored of the worldly ways of right and wrong.

Not putting up with a moral-less man or his lecherous thoughts,

Just because I have been brought up in a world

where a woman should have a man’s arm,

That arm is not for me, That arm is too impure for my soul

I know better than the world; for it will only leave stains of dirt on my heart,

Now I am feeling white followed by soft sunrise yellow

Turquoise and magenta of Rainbows.

Delightedly Blind

Course I lost myself in those eyes, 

course I struggled with my cynicism and lost my mind,

Wrote you so many songs, although they called me blind,

So maybe I wasn't really blind?

I never would have given in to anybody less than a hero,

But you were never less than one,

I don’t know, so now, what is this feeling that I’m feeling,

Like maybe we are just done.

One second you are the one for me, one second forever-s are a fucking joke,

But every day, since June, came in with your name 

and every night bid farewell thinking of you.

Maybe cynicism bit me in the skull, maybe I lost the ability to love
Maybe my powers gave up to those overwhelming emotions?

Feels like a pessimist’s faith in the silver lining would have lasted longer

Longer than my trust in you, look what fool I made of us..

You are the one that detrimentally drives me crazy, unaware

and promotes me to fall sleep, as you play with my hair,

But I would be even crazier… I would be worse than out of my fucking mind

If I let you go.. if I let you go with some girl you find.

Cuz then who knows how she would treat you?

I can't let you go through that 

Forgot to tell you, Today I got a phone call.. God was on the line

He said to let you know that He told me, You are mine,

You are the one with little or no compassion to my sufferings,

But you are the one that enlightens me 
when you make me delightedly blind.

Ordinary Love

The cold wind doesn’t freeze me anymore 

when you are walking next to me,

I am not scared of your frozen heart cuz it’s not locked, 

sometimes you hand me the key,

So much symmetry lost already, so much time blinked away,

But we were never meant for Ordinary love baby,

Our kind of love doesn’t foment - to just exist.

I have expressed my luck to have met you, 20 times or more,

And sat alone to realize it by myself, tenfold.

Now I see you in the Moon, meet you in the saccharine love songs,

Your turbulent patterns in our nest leave ruffled hair and embraced bones,

the drizzle of our fire leave beautiful scars on my soul.

The talk we have, I, unwearyingly, repeat it to people,

And crack your stupid dry jokes and imagine your stupid giggle,

And now my frequent dreams bring you around with your composed countenance;

and now the sleeplessness is You,

Like when your strong untangled morals get too overwhelming for my own good,

And make me sketch, in words, the outlines of You.